Invite summer over!

zdj. Marta Wojtal

Yeah, I know, I know – what a terrible cliché, tons of motivational pictures say that, it’s all over various self-improvement texts on Facebook and other social media. Oh, just let it go already.

Okay, maybe let me rephrase – start with showing yourself some respect. I’ve already written about this in the book, Lead a Healthy and Active Life, but I still get e-mails where people describe themselves using very bad words, such as hopeless, stupid, ugly, gross, and the list could go on. And I’ve heard much worse when talking face-to-face with some. Sometimes they’re just being coy – “I’ll say, I’m ugly, and let them say it’s not true!” But most often it’s just arousing negative emotions towards themselves.

And thus another circle of powerlessness [koło niemocy – link do polskiej strony] is being formed: “I’m rubbish, so I just sit idly and do nothing, because, let’s face it, I’m not gonna succeed in anything. I do nothing, so there are no positives, good results, and I don’t even get the slightest satisfaction out of anything.  Conclusion – I am rubbish.”

And so you can torture yourself like this for years. This attitude is not always expressed in harsh words about yourself. Sometimes words are not needed. Your self-confidence level is simply zero, and that only makes your powerlessness more acute.

Others can’t help you with this. If you don’t believe in yourself, your friend can tell you a thousand times that you’re great and it won’t make a difference.

I also suspect that, paradoxically, you sort of like this state of “being hopeless”! Because it gives you an excuse for inaction, and thus decision-making, and taking responsibility continue to be absent from your life. “That’s just me” – you tell yourself, others, and have it out of the way.

Listen, talk to yourself. If you feel comfortable with the way things are, don’t apply any changes in either yourself or your life. There’s no point in forcing it on you.

But if somewhere at the back of your mind, you disagree with the current situation – then start taking care of yourself! Sit in front of a mirror – find a large one. Look at yourself. Not at the hair which is again “not exactly right”, not at the belly tire, not at your legs that are too fat/skinny/short etc. Look yourself in the eye, look at the PERSON. Think, what you feel towards that person – towards a human being with their feelings, knowledge, dreams… Your appearance is a set of details, some of which can be slightly improved, while others may prove to be your strengths. If you shape feelings towards yourself through the prism of your looks – I really do feel sorry for you, because I know too many happy people who are completely not popular-magazine-cover material. Happiness, faith in the future, being able to enjoy every day – you can find them in yourself and they are all in no way connected with what you look like.

Would you like to be liked? Probably yes – not by all, as this is impossible – but it is nice to have a bunch of nice people around you, right? Seeing their joy at the sight of you. Explain it to me, then, why do you expect others to feel what you refuse to feel towards yourself? Kindness, respect, love, empathy? People see how you’re treating yourself and that makes it hard for them to believe that you’re trustworthy.

You still think you’re hopeless? Just don’t go comparing yourself with others! You do not know them, their experiences, emotions, everyday struggles. You have no right to judge them, so comparing yourself to them just doesn’t make sense at all!

Hey!!! Think! Oh, dammit – believe that people are not divided into better and worse. We are all different, unique – it’s one of the good things about life! Seek out joy and give yourself a chance, and act! It’s summer now – throw all the gloomy stuff out. Make one and treat yourself to a magical strawberry cocktail – choose the rest of the ingredients by yourself. Have a sip, then another one, keep affirming life and feel how the power flows through you :)!